We need to talk about the R word...

We need to talk about the R word... - Printable Version

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We need to talk about the R word... - Matt - 2021-03-21 23:47

T/W - discusses sexual assault, rape and suicide.
tl;dr - not a joke.

Hi all,

In light of a few recent 'jokes', I and a few other TC regulars feel there needs to be a bit of a line drawn in the sand. I am somewhat unfortunately today having to discuss the subject of rape.

To make it entirely clear, I won't be naming names here, nor will I be actively targeting any specific group or individual, please see this more as some kind of education into the serious and very real connotations of triggers, PTSD and other such issues that can be the result of what some consider to be a joke, some of which I will be discussing in this post.

I'm going to start this off by saying that I'm a 23 year old man who was, around 10 years ago, groomed online. As a result I've spoken a few times (in darker hours) about that, the affects it had on me through my years growing up and, as a result, I've spoken to a number of women (and men) who have experienced similar things, or even much worse - I've also been through CBT for anxiety and depression, quite a lot of which was due in part (or entirely) to the events of my late childhood. Not to put too fine a point on it, but this and hearing of the experiences of others has made this a bit of a touch subject, definitely not just exclusively for me but it's often the case that victims do not want to talk about it for fear of judgement, especially not within a community of people they've never met.

I'm going to try and keep this reasonably educational and simple for a reasonably quick and easy way of educating yourselves, where required of course, on quite why this isn't a subject to joke about.

So, what is rape?
Rape, according to the Metropolitan Police website, is when a person intentionally penetrates another's vagina, anus or mouth with a penis, without the other person's consent.

How does rape affect people?
This is an incredibly difficult subject to discuss without talking to a victim. The thing you really need to look into here is a thing called RTS, or Rape Trauma Syndrome. RTS is a number of psychological and physical symptoms that follow a rape, predominantly starting immediately after but also recurring for a number of weeks, months and often years after it happens.

This, I should stress, is not exclusive to women, men who have been raped have also exhibited these symptoms.

Rape is generally attributed to making people (generally women), feel uncomfortable with the slightest physical contact and communication, sometimes with anyone but it also is commonly responsible for such common psychological disorders as GAD (generalised anxiety disorder), OCD (obsessive compulsive) and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).

It is commonly found that rape leads to the above along with severe depression, something I'm sure we all probably know ourselves, eating disorders, substance abuse and suicidal thoughts, also known as thoughts that they, the victim, might be better off dead.

A few moments, with just one word describing them, commonly lead to a lifetime of these issues, along with hypervigilance, anxious tendencies, persistent fear, flashbacks, poor health, insomnia and disturbed sleep. That is no life to live, rape is devastating.

The feeling of personal security, the feeling of comfort in their own privacy and not to mention their future sexual relationships, are commonly completely destroyed, if not incredibly damaged. Having been through a lot of these myself as a result of a much less severe event, I cannot even begin to imagine what a rape victim feels.

The fact of the matter is a good friend of mine very nearly ended it all because she felt like she couldn't cope. A good friend of mine almost wasn't here because of the actions of another human (if you can consider a rapist to be a remotely human being). She isn't alone in that and whilst people (not just women) are still falling victim to rape, or other forms of sexual abuse, a 'joke' could well be considered to be a severe trigger for a permanent solution to what is often a very real daily struggle.

So, let's cut to the chase here.
Rape is not a joke, please can we stop making these 'jokes', as they are frankly potentially doing more damage than you could even believe.

Whilst there is a common stigma that people with a female name in online video games aren't always female, it is not always the case, for a number of years women have been playing LFS, some of whom using none-descript nicknames to hide this to avoid any kind of special treatment and some people are acutely blind to that, or so it seems.

As, statistically, women are more likely to be raped than men, it's alarmingly likely that what somebody may see as a joke could trigger a whole number of aftershock type events to what was originally life changing trauma. What you consider to be a joke could lead to, at a minimum, a dark few hours for somebody who's been through it.

I'm not looking for apologies here, I'm not looking for anyone to be punished for their joke, I'm asking for one thing - it stops here.

Thank you for your time - hope you all have a good week.

Cheers,
Matt

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Titan - 2021-03-22 05:53

Matt is right, society has changed a lot ...

thank you matt for explaining it in such detail .. I hope people understand that now ...

the players who drive a long time on tc .. (like me) have noticed that times have changed .. some too negative and some too positive ..

many young people find it annoying that some old players admonish them .. i can partly understand ... but we only want the best!

This topic that Matt raised ... is a serious one!
and should be discussed with caution and treated carefully ...

The people who find it funny or make fun of it should maybe use their head to ponder .. what impact it could have on people who have experienced something like that ...

I think the admins think the same way ..

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Dino - 2021-03-22 13:48

What happened? Crazy thread

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Matt - 2021-03-22 13:58

(2021-03-22 13:48)Dino Wrote: What happened? Crazy thread

You seem to have a short memory for somebody who was commenting on it.

Sincerely,
Weirdo.

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Dino - 2021-03-22 14:02

That can't be all, I mean who posts such a thread if just someone used that word?
So I asked what happened, what's the background story if you coming online at midnight and posting such a long text about the word?

Don't get me wrong, I am not disagreeing with the text itself, but: what happened? I mean, tomorrow someone probably uses the n-word (which is apparently not ok), will there be a similar thread?

I just don't get the point of this thread, which is why I am asking what happened that made you post it.

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Matt - 2021-03-22 14:20

(2021-03-22 14:02)Dino Wrote: That can't be all, I mean who posts such a thread if just someone used that word?
So I asked what happened, what's the background story if you coming online at midnight and posting such a long text about the word?

Don't get me wrong, I am not disagreeing with the text itself, but: what happened? I mean, tomorrow someone probably uses the n-word (which is apparently not ok), will there be a similar thread?

I just don't get the point of this thread, which is why I am asking what happened that made you post it.

Read this again please. There were repeated incidents of it as I'm sure you're aware.

(2021-03-21 23:47)Matt Wrote: To make it entirely clear, I won't be naming names here, nor will I be actively targeting any specific group or individual, please see this more as some kind of education into the serious and very real connotations of triggers, PTSD and other such issues that can be the result of what some consider to be a joke, some of which I will be discussing in this post.

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Dino - 2021-03-22 14:24

How would I be aware of it, I haven't been on the TC servers for three months. All I saw was that discord message you posted.

If the thread is about "Look how mature I am and these kids don't behave and parts of the community is shitty and should change their behaviour" I got it now. Thanks.

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Matt - 2021-03-22 14:27

(2021-03-22 14:02)Dino Wrote: what's the background story if you coming online at midnight and posting such a long text about the word?

I did it at midnight as I came off at about 10pm and found myself feeling quite frustrated that people genuinely find this subject amusing or consider it to be a remotely suitable topic for a joke.

Frankly I do like my dark humour and believe me I was a little (removed) when I was younger, but as I've gotten older and wiser I've learned of the harm of such 'jokes' and how even one word can trigger people into very bad states of mind, myself included in that.

This was written after a discussion with my partner, who's a 3rd year psychology student. A severe lack of education has lead us to where we are today, hence this post was written.

(2021-03-22 14:24)Dino Wrote: If the thread is about "Look how mature I am and these kids don't behave and parts of the community is shitty and should change their behaviour" I got it now. Thanks.

Yep, well done, you completely missed the point.

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - sezski - 2021-03-22 20:06

.....

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Titan - 2021-03-23 06:55

(2021-03-22 20:06)DJmad Wrote: The baseline of this is that decency and respect are very basic things.

dino you should remember this sentence carefully

your quarrel and discussion addiction is impressive again

maybe you should just start to leave people alone and not start stupid discussions all the time ...

it's a serious topic and you've started making fun of these people again in discord ..

i would like to know what's going on in your head .. probably a bike that goes in a circle b..

end with my comments ...

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Dino - 2021-03-23 07:37

Oh great, I was just waiting for such a clever response from you Titan.

Now let's scroll up and see how I took part in this discussion.

Just quoting this for example:

(2021-03-22 14:02)Dino Wrote: Don't get me wrong, I am not disagreeing with the text itself, but: what happened?

So no, I am not saying the topics/things raised in the OP aren't a thing, I was rather trying to figure out the intentions of the post.

Apparently, it is not that he wants to show how mature he is and wants to try to make others behave properly like him.
Is it about TC Community? I believe so. Else why the post in general discussion on this forum? But apparently that was missing the point.

@DJmad: "dodging the original point" - what is the original point? That the world is a bad place and we should all change? Yes, we should!
"which are in their entirety irrelevant and false" What exactly is false? The "fact" that I read on discord matt freaked out about the r-word is all. No context, not even if the word was used against him or in general. So is my question "what has happened?" not legit?
"You have the context on the matter at hand" No

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Dino - 2021-03-23 15:09

Ok, since I even got a pm now telling me to stop trolling and that I shouldn't deny that "rape" isn't an issue:

I am sometimes wondering if certain people just read my name and think about "How could I turn around his words this time to make him look bad"?

I never, ever would come here saying "oh relax, rape isn't a thing".

My ONLY point of comments so far is trying to figure out the point of your post. After all you are posting a long text about "rape" on a forum of a team on a racing game. So I was asking what the background of it was, if it's been a thing on the server or what your intention with this thread is.

If it's about a general discussion about "rape" on our society, alright, I got it. There could be also a topic about slavery, child labour, (drug) addictions, racism etc. which are a thing too. I would be the last person to say that these things don't exist.

All clear now?

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Matt - 2021-03-23 15:59

(2021-03-23 15:09)Dino Wrote: My ONLY point of comments so far is trying to figure out the point of your post. After all you are posting a long text about "rape" on a forum of a team on a racing game. So I was asking what the background of it was, if it's been a thing on the server or what your intention with this thread is.

If it's about a general discussion about "rape" on our society, alright, I got it. There could be also a topic about slavery, child labour, (drug) addictions, racism etc. which are a thing too. I would be the last person to say that these things don't exist.

All clear now?

Clearer maybe, but your original tone was somewhat reading as if you were trying to start an argument, which isn't what this is about, not to mention outright saying I only wrote OP to make myself look mature. This was intended as a general discussion, with more of an angle towards awareness, but it was prompted by multiple painfully cringeworthy improper and completely unneccessary uses of the word in an attempt at a joke which, whilst some may find funny, could cause huge issues to anyone who's actually been a victim of rape or sexual assault.

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Ghutra - 2021-03-24 02:25

(2021-03-23 15:09)Dino Wrote: dinotek quotetek

This is what started it all (at least that day)
[Image: 8o62SJV.jpg]

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - Cam - 2021-03-29 13:20

I think Matt's intention for this post is now clear thanks to Ghutra's post, lol.

Clearly it's not right to be throwing around the word in the way Moso has done.

I genuinely think it boils down to a lack of education. His original message 'This is what you get from raping me vitas' has no malicious intention in the context of someone being hit by a car in a video game. However, the use of the word is still wrong and should not be used as it can obviously be a trigger to someone who has been a victim of rape, or anything else of a similar nature... Even if stated in a video game.

What is even more concerning are the messages that follow: 'lmao', 'why', 'u got raped?' - at this point, it becomes clear that Moso has no regard for the seriousness of the very definition of the word.

We are all well aware of racism, but other issues such as this are less spoken about for obvious reasons. It needs awareness, and so I am glad Matt has raised this issue. It might help people to think more closely about what they're actually typing and sending to other people in so far as it having an effect on someone's personal life.

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - THE WIZARD DK - 2021-03-29 16:23

so grateful its Raping.

1st i thought you meant R-Word for Racing..

so glad its ONLY rape...

tbh its a weird choice of words in any sentence unless youre pretty weird and possibly psychotic.
agree it dont belong in games really.

before getting yourself worked all up and start to use these words or any swear words.

read this about how we can get angry in...just 2 seconds.
https://www.lfs.net/forum/post/1938257#post1938257

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - BP - 2021-03-29 20:41

Literally no one:

Wizard: so grateful its Raping.
so glad its ONLY rape.

RE: We need to talk about the R word... - fWANKy - 2021-03-30 00:15

(2021-03-29 20:41)BP Wrote: Literally no one:

Wizard: so grateful its Raping.
so glad its ONLY rape.

we used to play rocket league